Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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