Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
