i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
