fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
