I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
