Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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