i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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