it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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