Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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