I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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