LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
