I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
