Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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