Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
