I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
