Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
