Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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