This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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