fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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