his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
