We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
