i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
