tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
