the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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