I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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