Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
