check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize