I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
