mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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