Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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