DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
