so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
