My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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