whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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