i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
