Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
