Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
