The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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