All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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