I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
