i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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