I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've blown a few things in my day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
