Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
