Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
