I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
