Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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