Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
