you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
