Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize