the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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