I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
