Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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