Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
