Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
