u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
