My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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