i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
