is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
someone owes me an orgasm
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He has the fingertips of a God
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