Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
