Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
