If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
