i jhust puked up my retainher.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
