drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
