He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
