I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
