i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
