why didn't you poke me back
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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