I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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