I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize