You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
